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means] she may be cheating on them. Khazan: Despite all this insecurity and worries about smells, how often do people actually have sex? What's the disparity between how much they say they have sex and how much they actually do. Stephens-Davidowitz: They have a lot less sex than they say they do. The way I studied this is I looked at condom data. The General Social Survey asks people how frequently they have sex, whether it's heterosexual or homosexual sex, and whether they use a condom. You do the math. Heterosexual women say they use 1. 1 billion condoms every year in heterosexual sex. Men say they use 1. 6 billion condoms in heterosexual sex, but you know that someone's lying. So who’s lying. http://tubetria.mobi/ Only 600 million condoms are sold every year in the United States. Some of them [are used by] gay men and some of them thrown out. They're exaggerating how frequently they use a condom. This doesn't mean that they are lying about how frequently they have sex. They may just be lying about how frequently they use protection when they do have sex, but if you look at how frequently American women of fertility age say they have sex without using any contraception, if they really were having that much unprotected sex, there would be more pregnancies every year in the United States. I think everybody in surveys exaggerates how frequently they have sex, because in today's culture there is a lot of pressure to have a lot of sex and to not admit if you're having not that much sex. For both men and women, there is a pressure to exaggerate. Khazan: Another thing that I thought was interesting was that “Is my husband gay?” is a more popular search term than “Is my husband cheating?” Why is that. Stephens-Davidowitz: “Is my husband gay?” is most common in states where it's hard to be gay, states like South Carolina and Mississippi and Tennessee.
I think some of the husbands are gay in those states. Also, the percentage of porn searches that are for gay porn is much higher in these states than the percentage of men who say they’re gay. So I think it is true that in [places like] Mississippi, South Carolina, and Tennessee, there is a risk of men being gay. That said, I think that women are probably a little too concerned that their husband may be gay. I think there are 10 times more searches for “Is my husband gay?” than “Is my husband depressed?” But, there are a lot more depressed men married to women than gay men married to women. I think it goes back to how there's not that much sex happening in the United States and there are a lot of sexless marriages. It may be that many women in a sexless marriage, their first thought is, “Oh he must be gay. ” Which probably isn't usually the case. There are lots of other reasons a man might not want to have sex. Khazan: It’s a little conceited of us. “Oh, he must be gay. Stephens-Davidowitz: Yeah, well, I probably do the same thing. Anytime a woman rejects me, I'm just like, “She's a lesbian. ” Which is not really true probably, but I think it's a little bit of a defense mechanism. It's kind of a weird contrast. On the one hand you see this enormous insecurity online—an almost needless insecurity. But then you have the “Is my husband gay?” as soon as he doesn't want sex. Which is a defense mechanism. Khazan: Did you have any takeaways or big insights about Americans’ personal lives that struck you when you were done researching this. Stephens-Davidowitz: I think there's two. One is depressing and kind of horrifying. The book is called Everybody Lies . and I start the book with racism and how people were saying to surveys that they didn't care that Barack Obama was black. But at the same time they were making horrible racist searches, and very clearly the data shows that many Americans were not voting for Obama precisely because he was black. I started the book with that, because that is the ultimate lie. You might be saying that you don't care that [someone is black or a woman], but that really is driving your behavior. People can say one thing and do something totally different. You see the darkness that is often hidden from polite society. That made me feel kind of worse about the world a little bit. It was a little bit frightening and horrifying. But, I think the second thing that you see is a widespread insecurity, and that made me feel a little bit better. I think people put on a front, whether it's to friends or on social media, of having things together and being sure of themselves and confident and polished. But we're all anxious. We’re all neurotic. That made me feel less alone, and it also made me more compassionate to people. I now assume that people are going through some sort of struggle, even if you wouldn't know that from their Facebook posts. Is Trumpism the New Conservatism. To understand the changes taking place in the Republican Party now, it helps to go back to the last time the party went through a major transformation. About the Author. Olga Khazan is a staff writer at The Atlantic. Jonathan Ernst / Reuters. Anthony Scaramucci Is the Right Answer to the Wrong Question. If Trump were right to blame all of his problems on messaging, perhaps the smooth-talking businessman could solve them. But he’s not. Watching Anthony Scaramucci’s formal introduction as White House communications director on Friday, it was clear why President Trump wanted him for the gig. Even though he’s never worked as a spokesman for anyone other than himself (and a great spokesman he was, bringing wide renown to an underachieving hedge fund ), Scaramucci looked at home behind the lectern in the White House Briefing Room. Moreover, he was everything that Sean Spicer—the long-suffering press secretary who announced his resignation today—was not. Where Spicer was nervous, tentative, and likely to stumble over his words, Scaramucci was smooth, relaxed, and confident. Where Spicer’s suits were often ill-fitting, Scaramucci was sharply tailored. Where Spicer was a career cog in the Republican machine, Scaramucci is a swaggering New Yorker who speaks in the same clunky business pidgin as the president and can drop names nearly as prodigiously too. (Goldman Sachs, Yankees president Randy Levine, and Harvard Law School were a few of Scaramucci’s mentions during his brief spell at the mic.
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